When I wrote a fantasy book about a resilient dude, I thought that’s what I was too.  

On the surface, you could look at the facts of my life, childhood trauma indexes, genetics and other other setbacks, and see someone who is doing pretty damn good. I’d hit bumps along the way where my best wasn’t good enough, but for the most part… I made it work, and had plenty of room in my heart and life to support people around me.

But in all honesty, I’ve been eroding for a while now. I know in an acute crisis, my head will stay clear. For anything more sustained … I can’t use the word “resilient” as a word to describe myself anymore. I’m bleeding faster than I can bandage and clot these days.

I detest the phrase  “everything happens for a reason”, because I’ve seen firsthand that this is a lie. It’s something that people who have seen little tragedy or injustice have the luxury of believing. Sometimes these are optimistic people with open eyes, usually not. More religious family members might say things like “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle,” because the people who are given too much are people they refuse to fully acknowledge or understand. How can anyone be made aware of a single suicide, and believe this to be true?

Therapy can make us aware of how we got our scars. But that’s all therapy can do I think… make us aware, maybe show us shrapnel we’ve yet to pull out, but the healing is on us. I know some inner part of me will always remain a child who will always need a little extra love and reassurance, because when others around me got that love, I got something else instead.

I admire the people who can dance in war-torn streets or keep their hands steady in the face of hopeless odds, and I'm doing my best to foster that. I have a deep need to make my writing something that can be meaningful to others, that I succeeded in recycling terrible things into something that can help people I’ve never met. 

“Found family” is a trope for people who’ve needed to build something others take for granted, whether they’ve managed it yet or not. Many well-adjusted folks scratch their head at this. They still have the brothers they were born with; they don’t need friends to pick up the slack. But for those that understand, we can at least acknowledge and support each other, and I want my writing to succeed in that.

Enemies to lovers is for people who need to know that they will be able to bear their soul to someone, even the parts they hate about themselves, and to be loved regardless. It’s a rare and miraculous thing, but I found that. Whoever you are, I believe you can find that too.

Even if—for now—I can only offer you a book. 

Here it is:

Cover design is by the award-nominated Maria Spada. It integrated some of the work from below illustration from Kateryna Vitkovska. I supplied the mycelium motif illustration and the mycelium bionetwork vector art.

Through 8/19 or until I have 50 reviews, anyone can get a free ebook in exchange for an honest review on Amazon, Goodreads, Fable etc. These will go out starting Monday and I’ll leave the application open until publication in Aug 19, or until I have enough reviewers to ensure I’ll get at least 50 reviews on the biggest platforms: AmI have a few physical copies as well if you have a social

Thank you all for your support! 

-Sill